Coming out

I am a lurker. I'm not a fan of the word. It sounds so ominous. Maybe even sinister. Certainly, not something one would aspire to.

In this imaginary world I am constantly astounded. From my study I can be encourage, challenged, laugh, cry and just sit there with my jaw slack saying, " what? You too? I thought I was the only one." (I'm pretty sure that C.S. Lewis did not have the internet in mind when he wrote that. ) I am so grateful for the mighty ways I have been ministered to.

But for some reason I don't comment. Very rarely. Very, very rarely. I'm not exactly sure why. I'm sure it says a lot about my personality. Hanging back, scared to put myself too far out there. Fear of...rejection...failure...just plain freakiness. The very same reasons I post infrequently. Or don't make the first phone call. Or just reach out to someone new.

I'm sure I miss out on so much. I want to change that. I really do. I haven't found much of a voice yet. But there's something there. Where there was silence there are now whispers and longings. I want to connect and share and laugh and...well just be plain old crazy with kindred spirits.

Or at least dare to put myself out there and remember that, really, it's not at all about me. Why do I forget that so often? Why is it so hard to see past me? Are my filters so unusual or do you have the same problem?

So, for Brandy ;), thank you for commenting faithfully. You make me smile every time you do. And for any lurkers out there--I totally get you. But I think I will start going to lurkers anonymous and get some help. Maybe I'll see you there. Hi my name is rebecca and I think about myself way too much.

For anyone who is praying for me (Brandy!), first of all, THANK YOU!!! Please keep praying for my marriage. I think G is almost ready to come home. He is really in a rough place right now. Please pray that he would get a job and that God would heal him--that he would be able to discern truth and be able to see clearly. I see God working mightily and am very hopeful. I know we still have so very far to go but I am confident that God will not leave us in this place. Please pray for the steps that are before us--for forgiveness from my family, for reconciliation and restoration. Pray that the children will not have lasting trauma from this time. Mostly pray that God gets much glory and praise--that, somehow, this will point to him and he will get all the credit for any good that comes. Thank you. You have no idea how much your prayers mean. Thank you. If I can have the honor of praying for you please leave a comment or email me at rdswood at verizon dot net