There were a few flakes...

Well. Today was hard. I survived my interview. Actually, I'm sure I talked a mile a minute and was so unorthodox that they didn't know what on earth to do. So I have a trial by fire in a couple weeks. That suits me just fine. Either I will manage somehow or I will fail spectacularly. Either way, I will try and be done with it. What else is there to do?

We got a teeny, tiny, pathetically scanty bit of snow this morning. The powers that be didn't even close school. That is a wee bit of snow--because in Richmond the schools are closed pretty much any time anyone sees a flake. (Insert whatever flake joke you like here. I'm sure they all fit.) It was beautiful though, all over the trees. For all of about an hour before it melted. It made for a lovely drive to my interview. That was wonderful.

Oh--I figure I should post my memory verse here for Mama Siesta. That should be one more place to keep me accountable. So my verse this time is as follows.

I have seen his ways, but I will heal him;
I will guide him and restore comfort to him,
creating praise on the lips of the mourners in Israel.
Peace, peace, to those far and near, says the Lord,
and I will heal them.
Isaiah 57: 18-19

Whining and such...

Today has been a rotten day. I am hyperventilating over an interview tomorrow. I have to writing samples for it. What was I thinking? Seriously? I got nothing. Nothing. Why I am sharing this with you is unknown. Probably has something to do with procrastination. Not that I would ever procrastinate. hah. I'm sure I wouldn't use sarcasm or be cheesy either. Nope. Not me.

Would it be too much to hope that we get some snow or ice or perhaps an invasion of polar bears before tomorrow? They are calling for snow--but this is Richmond. We don't get snow. Not that I'm bitter or anything. Not that I love snow and don't think it should ever be cold and grey and yucky if it's not going to bother to snow. Not that I am apparently a huge grouch today who is frustrated with her husband and snapped at her kids and still has absolutely nothing to say in a writing sample. And, somehow, I'm thinking this won't cut it.

I had better go do a snow dance now. Please join me. I could really use a snow day! Or a long vacation to a tropical locale that includes those little umbrella drinks. That would be ok too.

Coming out

I am a lurker. I'm not a fan of the word. It sounds so ominous. Maybe even sinister. Certainly, not something one would aspire to.

In this imaginary world I am constantly astounded. From my study I can be encourage, challenged, laugh, cry and just sit there with my jaw slack saying, " what? You too? I thought I was the only one." (I'm pretty sure that C.S. Lewis did not have the internet in mind when he wrote that. ) I am so grateful for the mighty ways I have been ministered to.

But for some reason I don't comment. Very rarely. Very, very rarely. I'm not exactly sure why. I'm sure it says a lot about my personality. Hanging back, scared to put myself too far out there. Fear of...rejection...failure...just plain freakiness. The very same reasons I post infrequently. Or don't make the first phone call. Or just reach out to someone new.

I'm sure I miss out on so much. I want to change that. I really do. I haven't found much of a voice yet. But there's something there. Where there was silence there are now whispers and longings. I want to connect and share and laugh and...well just be plain old crazy with kindred spirits.

Or at least dare to put myself out there and remember that, really, it's not at all about me. Why do I forget that so often? Why is it so hard to see past me? Are my filters so unusual or do you have the same problem?

So, for Brandy ;), thank you for commenting faithfully. You make me smile every time you do. And for any lurkers out there--I totally get you. But I think I will start going to lurkers anonymous and get some help. Maybe I'll see you there. Hi my name is rebecca and I think about myself way too much.

For anyone who is praying for me (Brandy!), first of all, THANK YOU!!! Please keep praying for my marriage. I think G is almost ready to come home. He is really in a rough place right now. Please pray that he would get a job and that God would heal him--that he would be able to discern truth and be able to see clearly. I see God working mightily and am very hopeful. I know we still have so very far to go but I am confident that God will not leave us in this place. Please pray for the steps that are before us--for forgiveness from my family, for reconciliation and restoration. Pray that the children will not have lasting trauma from this time. Mostly pray that God gets much glory and praise--that, somehow, this will point to him and he will get all the credit for any good that comes. Thank you. You have no idea how much your prayers mean. Thank you. If I can have the honor of praying for you please leave a comment or email me at rdswood at verizon dot net

I know, I know

It's so annoying when people don't post regularly. (not that I have anyone to annoy.)

They lower cholesterol too...

This isn't what I had in mind when I said we were having breakfast for dinner.

Notice how proud of himself he is. I don't think his sisters helped anything by laughing at him.

I never realized how pervasive cheerio dust is.

Faithful

I find it difficult to post some days. I think for two reasons. First because I want to be fair and even honorable to my husband. There are so many things that don't need to be aired, certainly not every grievance or hurt. My feelings ebb and flow just like anyone else. Hothead one day and relatively calm the next. To unload however I may be feeling, whatever the circumstance seems unwise. Like not keeping my tongue in check. This is hard. I know I can have bad days and that is ok. I just don't want to get stuck there. Mooning is never pretty.

Second, I have this fear of telling things only to have them disproved later. That must seem ludicrous. It does to me. The past several months my husband, henceforth known as G, would repeatedly tell me his affair was over. It wasn't. Each time was gut wrenching. As I read back through those journal entries sometimes I want to shake myself or at least shake my head. Those are completely private--it is only my head shaking. Here, it feels so much more vulnerable. An openness for all to see me played the fool. (at least that is how it can feel.) And yet..

And yet, I can't help but wonder if someday I will be glad for small reminders. For markers along this journey reminding me of God's unwavering faithfulness. Ebeneazers to his goodness and love. I have bowed to his will and I know that even with hindsight there is very little I would do differently.

Sometimes, to trust is to look foolish. To hope the most insane thing of all. I'm sure it felt that way to the disciples at Golgotha. It must have felt very long--those two silent nights, creation holding it's breath. No light on the horizon, only blackest black. And then, a miracle. The miracle. Hope burst forth from the unlikeliest place, death. Every small hope is dim in the fulfillment of our true Hope.

Perhaps it is no bad thing to just share. With discernment and wisdom. But hope should be shared. It is best shared. I'll try my best. Please forgive any moony-ness. If you find this blog because you are in a similar situation--please, please know you are not alone. Please do not lose hope. God delights in doing the impossible. He is good and trustworthy.

He. is. faithful.

"Hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

Romans 8:24

Randomness

Brrrr. It is cold outside today. I guess most of the east coast is saying that. I wish I could also say that is was snowing a couple feet. It is not.

I made the worst cookies in the world yesterday. Seriously, I don't know that I have made something that bad in years. They were pumpkin cookies. They were awful. I really don't know what to do with them now. I don't have a dog. The kids won't eat them. It would be cruel to inflict them on anyone.

On the flip side I made some yummy bar cookie today.

I got some beautiful shots of E. and BabyChub today. M. was already at school. It was nice light though. And, no, I haven't downloaded them yet. Lazy, remember. Really, tired is what it is, but whatever.

My mom, sister and I went out last night for their birthdays. It was really great to have girl time. We had a blast even though we were the only fools at the outdoor mall on the coldest night of the year.

Ok. I think that does it for my randomness. I need to go to bed soon. I'm done tuckered out. (if only you could hear me laughing right now. I crack me up.....sorry.)